Wow, it’s been forever and honestly “wow” isn’t the way I should be starting this. I’m the one who’s been away and how can I be surprised by an absence I was present for the whole time?
It’s been crazy… and well that’s putting things extremely lightly. The next few weeks I will try to update you all on everything I have been going through before I enter a 3-week sabbatical. A trip that I am hoping will happen at the end of November that I will be venturing on all on my OWN.
I have experienced many lows, but SO many highs as well. Some of the highs have been experiencing relationships that have given me so much rather it be through coworkers who just get me to new friends who have provided me new AND improved perspectives to people I’ve loved deeply and had to quickly let go.
If there is one thing I have been learning it is that it’s better to accept people and their role in your life than fight for them to be something they’re not or to stay longer than they should. It is imperative that you accept the timeframe in which YOUR life unfolds as well as the timeframe of others within it.
God brought an AMAZING individual into my life who is practically everything I have ever wanted in a man. We are not a thing, honestly we aren’t in each other’s lives at all right now, however his brief visit was one of the most profound moments of my life.
It was late at night and we were as usual talking about life and lessons we’ve learned. The light from the street lights danced in his eyes as I watched him talk and occasionally heard him. He would say something so wise and rich my mind would still be trying to grasp the depth of it and then he would casually utter YET another soul awakening statement. I would then regain consciousness to hear what other groundbreaking discoveries he recently discovered. My soul was full… my heart was content. My spirit was sharp.
My spirit is an extremely discerning spirit. Though this man was everything I had ever hoped to experience I knew the visit was not for long and more than likely not forever. In the past when I got that feeling like this wasn’t it, like the person I was talking to wasn’t my prince charming, I’d pull away. For once I sat in this moment soaking up his lessons, his insight, his smile, his wisdom, his touch, his entire being because I knew it was good for me. He was something, something this girl isn’t used to. He was and I’m sure still is, HEALTHY.
I believe God sends us people who may not be in our lives forever, but rather will change our lives for the better forever. I always thought that anyone who wasn’t my prince charming was a waste of my time. I have probably been pushing lessons and letters from the universe away for years if I really think about it, but just because someone is not your forever doesn’t mean they don’t have a spot on your journey to forever.
I loved this man and I always will love him for the person that he is and is destined to become. I thank the universe on nights like this when I see stars that remind me of nights like ours. As they flicker I am reminded of how life’s lessons can do just that. One day you have them the next you don’t and then someone new comes along and turns the lights back on.
I have no resentment or ill will towards anyone who I’ve crossed paths with and continued to move in opposite directions. This goes for friends, coworkers, random people who have spoken to my soul and I never saw again even though we exchanged numbers and promised to do coffee some time, and it definitely goes for past loves.
Not fighting it or asking questions that don’t need answers like why aren’t they the one or why couldn’t their stay be longer or why didn’t they work out has been everything to me. What is meant to be will be. Accept it. Move on. Move forward. There are so many people you haven’t met. There’s amazing friends out there that you will stay up countless nights with and laugh like the world’s next turn depends on it. There are amazing jobs out there that will bring you closer to your goals and YOURSELF. There are places you will move to that will give you the solitude and the peace of mind you are so desperately looking for.
There is so much ahead of you. These moments, places, jobs, people we get to experience on our journey are blessings on this adventure we call life. Be grateful. Sit in the moments as they come, soak up the people, listen to the sounds of the busy streets in your city and the chatter of those around. Be present. Explore all of the places God guides you to. Love the people He brings while you have them and then feel free to let them go when it’s time and know that there’s already someone new on their way. We can plan all we want, but life has the LAST say.
Enjoy the flickers, they are what gets us through the NIGHT.
Good night,
Cam
Cam's Journal 